Understanding Filipino Criticism Culture: Why We Love to Criticize But Hate Feedback

I’m guilty of it, and if we’re being honest, you probably are too. It’s a habit so ingrained in our daily lives that we don’t even realize we’re doing it: we love to criticize others but become defensive when it’s our turn on the chopping block. This thought crosses my mind often, especially when I find myself laughing along as friends or family take jabs at someone — until the joke circles back to me. Why do we, as Filipinos, find it so easy to spot the flaws in others but struggle to accept even the gentlest feedback?

This isn’t just a casual quirk of our personality. It’s a reflection of deeper cultural, historical, and psychological forces at play. Today, let’s take a closer look, not to blame, but to understand and perhaps even change.

The Double-Edged Sword of Puna (Criticism)

In Filipino culture, teasing and criticism are often seen as forms of bonding. We gather around tables, share stories, and poke fun at each other’s little quirks. It’s lighthearted, a way to connect. But there’s a fine line here. While we enjoy pointing out what’s wrong with others, we become surprisingly thin-skinned when the tables turn.

I remember a recent family gathering where the conversation flowed effortlessly — jokes about who gained weight during the pandemic, remarks about questionable fashion choices. We were all laughing, until someone commented on my own tendency to be “overly critical.” In that moment, my laughter froze, and a twinge of defensiveness rose up. It’s funny how quickly the mood shifts when we go from being the critic to the criticized.

This irony is part of our shared experience as Filipinos. We bond over shared criticisms but are easily offended when it’s directed at us. It’s a behavior that feels harmless until we’re on the receiving end.

Cultural Foundations: A Legacy of Hiya and Colonial Mentality

To understand why this behavior persists, we need to explore the cultural psyche of Filipinos. At the core is hiya — a deep-seated sense of shame tied to our desire to maintain social harmony and avoid embarrassment. In many Filipino interactions, preserving one’s dignity is paramount. This value often leads us to avoid direct feedback, opting instead for subtle hints or jokes to soften the blow. The fear of causing embarrassment (or feeling it ourselves) shapes our approach to criticism, making us hesitant to confront others openly.

Research by Filipino psychologists, including Virgilio Enriquez, reveals how hiya influences communication. In the workplace, for instance, managers might say, "Maybe we can improve this a bit more," rather than directly pointing out flaws. It’s a culturally ingrained way of cushioning the critique to prevent discomfort.

Colonial history also plays a role. Under Spanish rule, Filipinos were conditioned to prioritize appearances and conform to social expectations. This legacy of colonial mentality persists today, shaping a mindset that values outward harmony over direct confrontation. It’s why we often rely on indirect communication or passive-aggressive comments rather than addressing issues head-on.

The infamous “crab mentality,” where individuals pull down those who seem to be rising above, reflects this colonial hangover. Instead of celebrating success, we sometimes criticize it, driven by a subconscious fear that others’ achievements highlight our own shortcomings. For more on this, read my detailed reflection on Filipino Crab Mentality.

Social Media: The Echo Chamber of Criticism

If we think this habit is limited to face-to-face interactions, social media quickly proves us wrong. Platforms like Facebook and Twitter amplify criticism, often turning minor slip-ups into viral spectacles. The anonymity emboldens us to make comments we wouldn’t dare in person, and it’s all too easy to join the digital mob.

I’ve caught myself scrolling through comment sections of viral posts where someone’s mistake becomes the day’s entertainment. We laugh, we share, we add our own snarky remarks without a second thought. It’s a digital version of the same habit we have offline, magnified by the reach of the internet. But as entertaining as it might be, it often comes at a cost — someone’s dignity or self-worth.

Logical Fallacies and the Habit of Name-Calling

Part of the problem lies in how we handle disagreements. Logical fallacies, such as ad hominem attacks (criticizing the person instead of their argument) and straw man arguments (misrepresenting someone’s position), are rampant in our discourse. Instead of engaging thoughtfully, we often resort to shortcuts like name-calling.

I’ve seen it play out in countless online debates. A disagreement about politics or social issues quickly spirals into personal insults. It’s easier to call someone “ignorant” or “idiotic” than to address their points directly. These behaviors aren’t new — they’re habits many of us picked up as children but never outgrew, despite our education or professional achievements.

The Rare Art of Constructive Criticism

Giving helpful feedback isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s a skill that requires practice, empathy, and a clear intention to help rather than hurt. Many of us have heard of the “sandwich approach,” where you start with a positive, offer the critique, and end with another positive. It’s a useful technique, but it’s not a catch-all solution.

Constructive criticism focuses on specific behaviors, not personal traits. Instead of saying, “You’re lazy,” it’s more effective to say, “I noticed the project wasn’t completed on time. Let’s discuss how we can manage this better next time.” It’s a subtle difference but one that makes feedback easier to accept.

I’ve had my own missteps here. I once gave a friend feedback that I thought was constructive, only to realize later that it came off as judgmental. It was a humbling experience and a reminder that even well-meaning criticism can backfire if not delivered thoughtfully.

Turning the Mirror on Ourselves

This is where the real challenge lies: looking inward before pointing fingers outward. I’ve been trying to catch myself before making a judgmental comment, pausing to ask if my words are aimed at helping or just venting frustration. It’s not easy, but it’s a small step toward breaking this cycle.

What if we used the energy we spend criticizing others to improve ourselves instead? It’s a radical shift in perspective, but one that could lead to real growth and stronger relationships.

A Broader Perspective: The Impact on Society

This habit isn’t just a personal quirk; it’s reflected in our national conversations too. Our political discourse often devolves into mudslinging and personal attacks, mirroring the way we handle disagreements in everyday life. Instead of discussing policy, we label opponents as “corrupt” or “incompetent,” sidestepping meaningful debate.

Imagine the change we could see if we embraced constructive criticism and dialogue instead. It would shift our interactions from tearing each other down to building each other up.

Conclusion: A Challenge for Growth

It’s far easier to laugh at someone’s mistakes than to acknowledge our own. But maybe that’s where real growth begins — in turning the mirror on ourselves before pointing fingers at others.

So here’s my challenge to you (and to myself): The next time you feel the urge to criticize, pause and ask, “Am I saying this to help, or am I just judging? And if the tables were turned, would I be willing to hear the same?”

It’s time to rethink our habits, not just for our own growth but for the good of our shared community.